You Know

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Joined: 09 Jul 2001, 17:00
Location: So Cal

You Know

Post by Falker » 09 Jun 2005, 19:15

You Know ,

You know when you’re a Redneck If ,…….

If you have more cars parked out in your back yard then your front yard.

Your front porch collapses and more than six dogs are killed.

The primary color of your car is "bondo"

Your family tree doesn't fork.

You've ever used a weedeater indoors.

You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet `Ms. Right'

You mow your lawn and find a car.

You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.

It's Easier to spray weed killer on your lawn than mow it.

You know you're a redneck if you wake up with both a black eye and a hickey.

You have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education

Your dad is also your favorite uncle.

The blue book value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas it has in it.

On your job application under "SEX" you put "As often as possible".

Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.

If your junior-senior prom had a day-care center...

If the UFO Hotline limits you to one call per day...

If your dog has a litter of puppies on the living room floor and nobody notices...

If you have to dress the kids up to go to K-Mart...

If every workday ends with the same argument about who gets to ride in the cab of the truck...

If every day, people come to your house mistakenly thinking you're having a yard sale...

If you can spit without opening your mouth...

Where was the toothbrush invented? Mississippi.
If it would've been invented anywhere else,
it would have been called a teeth brush.

You think safe sex is a padded headboard

You may be a Redneck if ...
You and your dog use the same tree

Your grandfather died and left everything to his widow.
But she can't touch it until she's fourteen.

The people on Jerry Springer's show
remind you of your neighbors

Your kids take a siphon hose to "Show and Tell."

You know yer a redneck when you take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took

You think fast food is hitting a possum at 65 mph.

You have a bumper sticker that says,

You take a six-pack cooler to church.

The third grade teacher says little Bubba
could be a mathematical genius
because he's got thirteen fingers.

Fifth grade was the best six years of your life.

Your dad walks you to school because
you are both in the same grade.

If you refer to the fifth grade
as, "your senior year".

The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart
'cause there is a law against it.

The beer can collection in the
town museum is the big tourist attraction.

Your aunt and your grandmother went to the funeral and had a fight over who gets to be the widow.

Your wife has ever said,
"Come move this transmission
so I can take a bath."

You think loading the dishwasher
means getting your wife drunk.

You stare at an orange juice container
because it says, "CONCENTRATE".

On Thanksgiving Day you have
to decide which pet to eat.

Your coffee table used to be a cable spool.

The taillight covers of your car
are made of red tape.

Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.

Your family always goes to the movies in groups of 18 or
more 'cause they were told 17 and under are not admitted.

When you was little, your front yard got toilet papered
and your momma thought it was a gift from God.

You're banned from the Memphis Zoo because you disturb the monkeys.

You ever named a child after a dog.

You removed the back seat from your
car so all yer kids could fit in.

You think taking a bubble bath starts
with eating beans for dinner.

Your child's first words were
"Attention K-Mart shoppers!"

A Georgia state trooper pulls over a pickup on I-75 and says to
the driver, "Got any I.D.?" and the driver replies "Bout wut?"
We're in the pipe , five by five.

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