RedNeck Oil Change

Belly up to the bar, grab your favorite drink and listen to stories about the universe we play in. Be ready for some trash talkin' too, because we know what alcohol can do... This is the ROLE PLAY forum, tell your war stories, brag about your kills and victories, and lament about your defeats. Everyone is welcome but you must register first to post.

Moderator: RLG MGMT Team

Post Reply
Falker
Posts: 1726
Joined: 09 Jul 2001, 17:00
Location: So Cal

RedNeck Oil Change

Post by Falker » 09 Jun 2005, 19:33

I see

The Redneck Oil Change Checklist

1. Go to O'Reilly auto parts and write a check for $50 dollars for oil, filter, kitty litter and hand cleaner.

2. Discover that the used oil container is full. Instead of taking it back to O'Reilly to recycle, dump in hole in back yard.

3. Open a beer and drink it.

4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.

5. Find jack stands under kid's pedal car.

6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.

7. Place drain pan under engine.

8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.

9. Give up and use crescent wrench.

10. Unscrew drain plug.

11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil; get hot oil on you in the process.

12. Clean up.

13. Have another beer while oil is draining.

14. Look for oil filter wrench.

15. Give up; poke oil filter with screwdriver and twist it off.

16. Beer.

17. Buddy shows up; finish case with him. Finish oil change tomorrow.

18. Next day, drag pan full of old oil out from underneath car.

19. Throw kitty litter on oil spilled during step 18.

20. Beer. No, drank it all yesterday.

21. Walk to 7-11; buy beer.

22. Install new oil filter making sure to apply thin coat of clean oil to gasket first.

23. Dump first quart of fresh oil into engine.

24. Remember drain plug from step 11.

25. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.

26. Hurry to replace drain plug before the whole quart of fresh oil drains onto floor.

27. Slip with wrench and bang knuckles on frame.

28. Bang head on floor board in reaction.

29. Begin cussing fit.

30. Throw wrench.

31. Cuss and complain.

32. Clean up; apply Band-Aid to knuckle.

33. Beer.

34. Beer.

35. Dump in additional 4 quarts of oil.

36. Beer.

37. Lower car from jack stands

38. Accidentally crush one of the jack stands

39. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during step 23.

40. Test drive car

41. Get pulled over; arrested for driving under the influence.

42. Car gets impounded.

43. Make bail; get car from impound yard.

Money Spent:

$50 parts

$12 beer

$75 replacement set of jack stands; hey the colors have to match!

$1000 Bail

$200 Impound and towing fee

Total: $1337
We're in the pipe , five by five.

KODIAK
Posts: 5543
Joined: 17 Aug 2002, 21:06

Post by KODIAK » 10 Jun 2005, 03:47

Very good! But would this necessarily apply ONLY to oil changes? :shock:

Post Reply